Posted: 04/19/2012 | April 19th, 2012
We travel around the world to seek foreign lands, however sometimes after returning home, we discover out that house is the genuine foreign land. After three weeks of being back in America, I feel like I am a complete stranger in a strange land. America has changed. There’s something different about it this time around around.
I’ve been house before. I spent the summertime of 2010 in new York City, and I circle house every so frequently to go to my parents. I’m over the culture shock.
When I told people in Asia I was heading home, they asked me if I was anxious or scared about being able to adjust. “No, I’ve been house before,” I said. “Ich werde in Ordnung sein.”
But then I came house and realized that while I didn’t have any “culture shock,” something was different. I had changed. America seemed to have altered too. The pulse of the country was different.
There’s more crap on TV. The country seems more superficial. (Why is whatever a genuine Housewives of… show?)
Food parts seem to be even larger than before.
Kids seem much more cruel these days. people don’t seem as polite or nice to every other anymore.
The nation is far more divided. Every problem is blown out proportion and is a test for your politics: right, left, Tea Party, etc.
All in all, to me, it just feels different right here now.
Then again, perhaps America was always like this, and I just never noticed before. perhaps I always spent so much time on trips house seeing new locations and catching up with buddies that I never stopped and took stock of the house I took for granted.
Or perhaps what I lastly noticed is that I’ve changed. They state travel modifications you — but I’ve never noticed it. since you’re with yourself everyday, you never truly see modifications in your personality. They just become part of you and seem like second nature. It’s not like when you go on a diet plan or take drastic action. modifications on the road are sluggish and occur over time, and you just feel as though you were always this way.
I believe being back has made me lastly recognize that I’ve changed.
And that somehow I don’t in shape right here anymore.
You understand when you get a feeling that something is missing, however you just can’t put your finger on it? That’s the feeling I have now.
There’s something about being in America (and not just my parents’ home in the suburbs; I’ve had this feeling since touching down in Las Vegas) that’s making me feel uneasy.
I feel less linked to the rest of the world. I feel like I’m living in a bubble. That all the events happening outside of America aren’t even registering here. It’s like I can’t get anywhere whenever I want. It’s like I’m cut off from the world.
I spent the last few months of my trip in Cambodia while I composed my book. however even there, in one place, I felt like the world was linked to me. That at any provided moment, I might go anywhere or do anything. I don’t feel that here. I feel like the outside world is more than just a flight or bus trip away. That to get out I have to break free of this invisible barrier that doesn’t exist overseas.
On the other hand, perhaps I’m just full of shit. part of me feels like I only “feel” this method because I want to feel this way. perhaps by looking for a problem, I’m unconsciously trying to validate a wish not to settle down and discover an excuse. perhaps this is just my inner self wrestling over the realization that my backpacking, nomad days are over. After all, shifts can be tough.
Ich weiß nicht. I’m just believing out loud. Something is different this time around around. I can’t put my finger on it or understand if it will last forever, however something has changed, and only time will tell if this feeling is just a temporary unease over altering my life or something more permanent.
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